Given that the familial dysfunction (in my opinion) never goes away, the individual must seek healthy ways to find solace and comfort. The individual must be aware of this and how it could impact any potentially long-term committed relationship.
My own belief is that the damage of familial dysfunction never goes away-the pain, with all of the attendant symptoms (e.g., broken relationships, isolation, addiction, etc.) will emerge unless the individual goes through intense therapy either on their own or with the help of a licensed professional. In the case of families with gay children, the dysfunction may increase exponentially (or so it seems) and impacts the gay individual in ways that are delayed in terms of their emergence and the ability of the individual to confront the issues. The PBS popular family psychologist, John Bradshaw (not in this film) once commented that 98% of American families are dysfunctional and the other 2% are in denial, in other words, you are not alone. Familial dysfunction is the norm in American families (and international families also). While there are other layers that affect an individual's development (i.e., political and cultural matters), familial dysfunction is probably the primary influence and the most convoluted and challenging to 'unpack'. Nonetheless, the primary message that cannot be overemphasized and which the film's therapists and participants repeat is: "KNOW THYSELF." It won't be easy work, but know yourself and be aware of the impact that growing-up being rejected and judged has had on your self-esteem and value as a human being. It is partly gender, partly psychosocial. The film spends time analyzing why gay men in relationships often fail. I really appreciated the emphasis here on the analysis part of gay male relationships. The emphasis here is on gay men, but the principles of finding and working-out relationships of all kinds, are the same regardless of the coupled gender mix. I commend the producers and willing participants in this "how-to" guide to healthy gay/lesbian relationships. I believe that Patrick Perrine, Will Mahan, Alan Downs, and others are out there, in it, making great progress toward that. We want future generations of gay men to have guideposts and traditions *more than* pitfalls and discrimination. And imo, we get the exciting work of creating and putting them there. Transitioning from an addictively enticing puppy love phase into turning forward together, moving forward together, side by side, into real life – those are lines in the road that we as gay men don’t have laid out for us. Will Mahan pointed out that the adolescence, and 2nd adolescence, that some gay men experience after discrimination in formative years.
I’m thinking the sage lessons from this video could help me in any friendship. Salvatore Garanzini and Alapaki Yee, of the The Gay Couple’s Institute, remind us of what *not to do*…. Edwin Wauk and Joseph Leak, together 17 years, remind of us of 5 C’s that are key ingredients to a successful relationship…
The glimpses into these singles and couple’s lives are helpful in understanding. Straight or gay – we all have to grow out of wanting to be objectified. It’s up to us as individuals to carve a place within that. Guys – *the world* is geared toward the pretty and the gym built. Mostly favorable although a concern seemed to be – the documentary was geared toward only the pretty and the gym built. Before watching the documentary, I read some of the reviews.